Now that you’ve flicked her an email, all you need to do is to wait until she replies. If you fire off enough, you’ll eventually get a certain proportion back. The key to the email game is not getting caught up in it. You need to remain focussed on the job at hand - and at this stage, that job is getting a phone number.
Once you have digits you can close this thing with a deep line in phone smut.
One of the benefits of his template is that it excludes most of the intelligent women who can see through it. Leaving you with the slightly more credulous members of the dating site. This = Win.
Posted below is an actual reply and Pete’s response. The first paragraph is the template and the second paragraph introduces a few double entendres. This will help to weed out more women who aren’t attracted to slime balls. I have put Pete’s more amusing lines in Bold - skip Sally’s reply, it is mainly drivel and head down to read Romeo’s work (mainly the bold parts).
Sally’s Reply
Feel Free to Skip This - it is just Blather - Pete’s Reply is Gold!
Subject: Trying…
I’ve decided I’m not going to try and match your humour. Its complexity is astounding, and for a novice like me, intimidating.
Instead, I’ll return the favour and tell you a little about me. Please feel free to jump in with any questions you may have; I’ll only take your silence as a sign that you wholeheartedly agree with everything I’ve said and that you’re dumbfounded by my high level of wit, intelligence and linguistic skill.
I am of Australian descent, but moved to the UK when I was 13, and came back 11 years later. Because of this, I have a very slight english accent, which I’ve been told assists me in my every day duties as a business development manager with Fairfax. Previous to this I worked for an advertising agency, and before that was in the UK working for the Guardian Newspaper. I did not choose my career path, I fell into it and couldn’t find my way out again. I am, however, satisfied with the current state of affairs, and plan to continue milking one of the largest media organisation in the country for all I can get.
I’m super impressed with your job. I can’t actually begin to describe how impressed I am, and how refreshing it is to know that there are people with real jobs out there somewhere.
My profile tells you a little about how I spend my time. Colin (my cat) takes up a lot of time and energy. He’s a growing boy and needs his mother around a fair bit. BUT he occasionally gives me a permission slip to be late home etc. Such a kind young thing.
I like the fact that you’re seldom serious. I’m serious about my writing, my health and my cat, and then everything else is free to be pretty relaxed. I’m young, you’re old. Ha. I’m 26 soon. (Yes, I’m young enough to be bragging about my upcoming increase in age.) I am mature for my age - I put this down to rebelling at a younger age than most, getting all the silliness out of the way before I started uni, and my deep level of thought for everything. What can I say - I’m a writer, I analyse everything, observe everything and record it in my tiny brain for the end of the day when I pick it apart and extract any useful pieces of information that may be able to be used in some way which would benefit me, or my readers.
Answering your criteria: I’m happy - perhaps a little too happy (which is why it’s been a bit of an effort to admit that there’s something missing from my life and to go on RSVP). My job is legal - I con the government out of their money in order to finance my addiction to chicken and the gym. I’m open to the idea of settling down with someone else, (meaning, someone other than Colin). I’m kind, but I don’t give anything to homeless people - especially not a cheeseburger. I am caring - I care about a lot of stuff. I have a sense of humour - my sense indicates that you’re humourous, I can be on occasion, and have an inkling that humour is a recessive gene. Perhaps you can enlighten me on that one.
And there we have it - I wrote more than you. I win. Any objections…? No….? Great!
Sally
Pete’s Response
Worth the Read!
Well I do declare, you are everything I had hoped and more…. Goodness, looks like I am going to have to get my act together….. I mean, what could a humble man such as myself possibly offer a beautiful, intelligent, insightful, driven and talented woman such as you? I would tell you all about my incredible accomplishments but I feel it would be paled by your own after having just read a no doubt mere fraction of yours……. (Looks like I am going to end up one of those stay at home dads) No, No, I hear you, I know you are just being polite when you say “Tell me, please tell me all about you, I want to know everything”…….. I just had a glance back at your profile, you are such an extraordinary woman. I have to see more of you, could you send me some more shots, as I will be away on trips for the next two weeks and my curiosity will become overwhelming.
I am in Rockhampton right now on my whirlwind tour of godforsaken destinations. I will be traveling through Yeepoon, then Gladstone, then some island for the weekend (Great Keppal), then Sydney for meetings and back around Friday week. Some how I am going to have to fit in running, jogging, swimming, weight lifting, botox and hair dying before I meet you. If by some miracle I manage to pull myself together I would very much like to spend some time with you. I really don’t mind what we do… It is customary for the male of the species to feed the female as a sign of a good potential. But, if you have an eating disorder, we can do whatever? I would love to talk to you in the meantime, if or when you feel ready, send me your no. and I will give you a call (I may txt you first, warm you up a little). I am very happy to have heard from you especially as you have turned out to be so interesting. I have never met a cat lady before, I have however had a few people curse it upon me, something along the lines of “I hope you end up with some old cat lady one day!” I am in some degree of doubt about your pussy? It seems there is a certain degree of reference to it being hairless? Am I right? Is this actually the case? I know there are a type of pussy that is bald but can’t quite remember the name right now, but I know due to the rarity and expense some people just shave theirs and try to pass it of as the genuine article. I not saying that ’you’ shave ‘your’ pussy! I am sure yours, if in fact is hairless, was born that way. I myself love pussy cats, but after the last one died I haven’t adopted again. Nor have I forgiven my snake.. It seems to have developed a taste for pussy, it seems the older and bigger it gets it becomes less practical as a pet, I just can’t seem to bring myself to cut it loose. I do understand however when you say that a pet can rule your life, my snake seems to be making all my decisions for me. I have sworn, after this experience no more trouser snakes!
I can’t help but notice there is definite ‘chicken’ theme to most of your writings… I believe you refer to it as your addiction? Well, there are definitely worse things to be addicted to. Have you tried chocolate chicken? It is a Mexican dish. The chocolate consists of a sauce made from coca beans which, without sugar, has quite a bitter taste and gritty consistency. Probably not the most delicious of dish’s but in the pursuit of feeding an inexhaustible hunger for our feathery companions, it may be a welcomed opportunity for a little variety. I am a thigh man myself, not that I don’t like breast. I find that a succulent thigh always seems to be the first place I start when I get my hands on a bird. I use to eat the parsons nose, but now, with so many health concerns today, that’s only when I feel like being bad.
Well, I have covered your cat and your chicken addiction so far. I feel it would be better to stop and take stock at this stage. Let you slowly emerge into my personality (humor). Bit by bit, you may not notice where it has ended up lol
Intrigued
Peter
Lermontov
